I can complain until I am blue in the face about tantrums sucking the big one and the Terrible Two’s being the biggest pain in my ass, but when it comes to Piggle being sick, there is no age I’d rather him be. I don’t know how he does it, but even with pneumonia, he’s managing to keep a smile on his face, and is still able to wreak his usual havoc—-though he’s less of a hurricane and more of a strong wind with a bit of rain. Even with his nose running like an escaped inmate and his left lung plugged up worse than a pregnant woman’s bowels, he’s found a way to give me my daily dose of heart failure.
The other day, he thought it would be kind to share his spidey-snack. That was terrifying in and of itself, but today, he decided to step his antics up a notch. While I spent my morning cleaning and disinfecting the cesspool of germs that is currently my house, he took it upon himself to go swimming…in the toilet! It seems I’ll never learn to never turn my back on a toddler. Especially one as crafty and mischievous as Piggle.
With my attention otherwise occupied with Lysol-ing the shit out of every grubby-little-boy-finger-reachable surface, he climbed up onto the seat and pencil dove in. It wasn’t graceful, either. After all of my painstaking efforts to sanitize, he sprayed the entire bathroom with yet-to-be washed toilet water. Nothing like a crack of dawn swim to wake you up. Coffee has nothing on this boy.
I swear, I’m running out of reasons not to sell this child!!