Wow, time has flown! I didn’t realize it had been so long since my last post! Things have been hectic around here. Holidays with young children are a fucking gong show. Between travelling to and from family get togethers and not napping, my two were complete write offs by boxing day!

Despite the chaos of overtired babies and the obscene amount of ingested sugar, we made it through! I even got a kickass gift out of it!

I’ve wanted a stand mixer for as long as I can remember. I love to bake, but I’m terribly lazy, so holding a hand mixer just seemed like a chore. Plus, when Piggle came along and started helping out in the kitchen, I realized how much easier (and far less messy) a fancy mixer would make things.

Husband surprised me with one on Christmas day. I was thrilled, and I’ve used it every single day since.

After the Great Sugar Crash of 2013, as I like to call it, I decided it was time to get Piggle’s eating habits back on track. What better way to do so than by whipping up some homemade deliciousness! 

I threw together enough kale-and-broccoli-packed quiche to feed an army, blueberry flax muffins, guacamole, and some breads. Today, I even attempted bagels…and my fucking god, are they ever good! Every bagel I’ve ever eaten up to this point was a lie! These are the real deal, and I’m having an incredibly difficult time saving enough for Piggle and Sequel to munch on!!!


They may not look pretty, but they are mind-shatteringly delicious!

Super easy to make, and Piggle even helped pour all of the ingredients in—-WITHOUT showering my kitchen in the usual pre-stand mixer flour explosion!

I tweaked the recipe from Cats and Casseroles, and when I break my scale tomorrow morning, you can bet I’ll be blaming her!


1 c warm water (110 degrees)
2 1/4 tsp (1 .25oz pkg) active dry yeast
2 tbsp sugar
2 1/2 c whole wheat flour
1 1/2 tsp salt
3 quarts water (for boiling)
1 tbsp sugar
1 egg white

1. In a the bowl for your stand mixer, dissolve yeast and sugar in the water. Allow to sit for 10 minutes, until your yeast becomes foamy.

2. Add in the flour and salt. With the dough hook of a stand mixer, mix on the lowest speed until the dough comes together and cleans the sides of the bowl. If needed, add more flour a tablespoon at a time. Increase the speed a little and let the machine kneed the dough for about 2 minutes.

3. Place dough ball in a large, greased bowl. Let dough rise in a warm environment until it doubles, about an hour.

4. Place dough on a lightly floured surface. Cut into six equal pieces. Roll each piece into a rope and pinch the edges of the rope closed to form a circle. To seal the pinch, slip the bagel over your fingers and roll it around a bit, pinch side down. Let newly formed bagels rise again for about an hour (I just cover them with a towel and leave them on my counter top for this step).

5. Preheat oven to 375 degrees. In a large stockpot, bring water to a boil. Add sugar. Drop a bagel into the boiling water. Boil for 30 seconds, turn over, and boil for another 30 seconds. Place on paper towels to drain. Repeat this step with remaining bagels.

6. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper. Sprinkle cornmeal over the paper. Place bagels on the baking sheet. Brush with the egg white. If desired, sprinkle on poppy seeds or kosher salt.

7. Bake in preheated oven for 20-25 minutes, until bagels turn a golden brown. Cool on a wire rack and store in an air-tight container.

See? Easy-peasy!

Even if you don’t have a stand mixer, you can probably whip these together fairly easily…the kneading will be a pain in the ass, but at least you’ll work off some of the calories you’ll consume when you scarf back the whole batch!


This may or may not have been my third bagel in under an hour…


And even Sequel agrees that they’re delicious!  Just look at that “these-are-no-fucking-joke” face!!!!

Husband keeps calling me Martha-Meets-Betty…I guess it’s true because I plan to make butter next…don’t you judge me!

More Ramblings You May Enjoy:


  1. These mixers are the best. I bought one for my mother for xmas, now I MUST get one of my own.
    My hubby probably makes more of a mess than your piggle.

    Good luck with the butter :)

  2. Will be happy to see/read your makes and recipes :-) im so going to try making the bagels! I got a stand mixer for my bday in august :-D (not a fancy one but does the job)….

  3. Thank you for sharing your recipe. This looks so great I can’t wait to try.

  4. Jennie Childs says:

    Hi. Love your blog. You are a very funny writer. I LOL all the time reading your work.. Are u still selling granola?? Would like to meet and buy some sometime if you are. I work in town Tues-Fri. Thank you Jennie

join the conversation

Connect with Facebook


CommentLuv badge